Famous Last Words

"You'll thank me for this later."

That is what SuperCuz sputtered repeatedly between sets of push-ups, squats and other various forms of torture I described during the first week of Boot Camp.

Come to think of it, that phrase was practically her mantra during the entire program (mostly prompted by my angry glances in her general direction).

For my final post, all I can say is that Thursday night would be our graduation from Boot Camp.

I have to say "would be" because we won't be there.

Sad, but true, the heat - or more likely, the unwavering Arizona August humidity - has taken it's toll on us. We finally caved to the immense pressures of wedding planning (for her) and tailgating house guests (for me).

In fact, we have let "other stuff" interfere and distract us for so long that it now seems silly to go back out there for one final night.

But don't get me wrong: Our decline of dog tags and t-shirts does NOT mean that we are dissatisfied with the outcome of Boot Camp!

SuperCuz will LOOK AWESOME in her wedding dress - and the wedding is barely 6 weeks away! (No wonder she's a stress-case these days...Sangria, anyone?)

And I certainly FEEL AWESOME after baby-wrangling a one-year old child. (To explain, we had house guests arrive this weekend from California to tailgate the Chargers/Cardinals Pre-Season football game, and the youngest Chargers' Fan wasn't quite old enough to attend the game so she was left in my care.) It didn't take long for me to calculate a simple equation: one big baby + boot-camp-buff-arms = no sweat!

So, to our fellow Boot Campers (especially those who graduate on Thursday):
We are with you in spirit!

And to SuperCuz (after almost 12 weeks of Boot Camp):
You were totally right...


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I so enjoyed writing the Boot Camp Body blog that I was inspired to start a new one.

To see what we're up to in the future and keep in touch, feel free to check in with us at Where Did We Park The Camel?

EXTRA! EXTRA!

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READ ALL ABOUT IT:

Lois Lane and the HeadShrinker participate in a butt-kicking, Fitness Boot Camp workout on one HOT August Arizona night!

Neither requires medical attention... However, cries for "Divine Intervention" are heard echoing through the desert!

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I am so proud of Lois Lane and the HeadShrinker.

They threw themselves whole-heartedly (mind, body AND spirit) into Fitness Boot Camp...

And in the end, they were "one of us": mangled muscles, pretzeled limbs, begging for mercy and some form of end-in-sight from the Boot Camp Guru.

For first-timers, the two of them were very brave souls (and ultimately, also my comic relief).

My evening's amusement began when the 5-minute warm-up was over and the Boot Camp Guru instructed us to get our heart rates higher by "picking up the pace". Lois Lane turned to me and with an element of seriousness said, "But I thought this was a good pace right here."

Five minutes later, we were instructed to take a lap around the park where the HeadShrinker actually attempted to escape by dashing toward the street to the parked cars. Luckily, Lois Lane (who has 3 children under the age of 4 and some serious experience at latching onto a fast-moving "blur" of a human being running toward the street) grabbed the HeadShrinker and reeled her back in with the rest of us. The HeadShrinker never stood a chance against those lightning-fast, mommy-reflexes...

The evening's workout format was a Cardio Circuit - four minutes of exercise with one minute of rest, doing each exercise for one full minute, and repeating that sequence 6 to 8 times. It was a pretty typical Cardio Circuit. Nothing TOO excessive.

But, at some point, the HeadShrinker demanded to know the Boot Camp Guru's definition for "One Minute" and strongly suggested that the Guru contact her cellular provider (the cell phone is the "stop watch") to confirm that the time setting on the Guru's phone is accurate. (Because the HeadShrinker is convinced that "one minute" in her world isn't the same as "one minute" in the Guru's.)

I also really had to laugh at the HeadShrinker's "clinical assessment" which she blurted out after nearly 60 minutes of exercise in extreme heat: "In my professional opinion, you're ALL crazy!" (Well, HeadShrinker... Think about it. If you moved back to Arizona, you'd have a dozen Boot Campers to analyze this month alone!)

Regardless of the giggles I got from these two during the workout (which only make abs and push-ups that much harder), in the end, Lois Lane got the last laugh...

As we were saying our good-byes, she pointed out to me that she only writes the stories and that ultimately, her husband, Clark Kent (a.k.a. Superman, no relation to SuperCuz), is the one in charge of the layout and design.

That means that Clark Kent, not Lois Lane, will select which photos will be printed on the newspaper page to accompany the articles.

This may not sound like a problem, but I assure you it is.

You see, a few years ago there was a certain "Exploding Golf Ball" incident during Clark Kent's days as a Triple Bogey. And, if he's still harboring any bad feelings or ill-will toward my participation in the whole episode (because admittedly, I was the Internet shopper who found and purchased the exploding golf ball, but Hubby and the SportsGeek - the other two Triple Bogeys - were the ones who schemed the whole idea!), then I'm in trouble, because none of the photos that will go to press are going to be exceptionally flattering of me.

I begged Lois Lane for some potential peace-offerings or bribes for Clark Kent, but she was unwilling to enter into any - ANY - negotiations until this morning when she determined how sore she felt after her night at Boot Camp.

With any luck, she'll feel AWESOME!

So, basically, more than everyone else in the class, I fear the photos that will be on the page because of my involvement in a "harmless prank" committed in my "youth".

Yet, regardless of the photos that find their way into the paper, I had a blast out there last night with two of my friends.

NEWSFLASH!

THIS JUST IN:

There are TWO Special Guests en route for Boot Camp this evening: Lois Lane and the HeadShrinker!

Watch out, Ladies... With a heat advisory in place, Boot Camp's gonna be HOT! HOT! HOT!

Gimme a P! A! I! N!

My calves are officially in PAIN.

Wednesday night, I woke up 5 times. FIVE times.

Granted, twice it was strictly a potty break for me or the dog since Soprano and I were built with the same size bladder. (Without fail, neither one of us can make it through the night without a little "relief".)

However, the other three times I woke up braced for the mind-numbing, body-tensing, muscle-gripping ACHE of a Charlie Horse in not one, but BOTH calves.

Each time I threw off the covers, jumped out of bed and tried desperately to stretch the muscle in both calves that extends up behind the knee.

Despite the pain, I managed to make it through work on Thursday. And admittedly, I was a little apprehensive about attending a Boot Camp session with this much "hurt" happening in the back of my legs.

I decided to "snack" on a couple hundred milligrams of Motrin at about 4:00 PM, and finally mustered the strength to leave my comfy, nap-like state on the couch and go exercise at around 6:00.

To be honest, I summoned the energy to leave my house by envisioning the MonkeyWhisperer and the HeadShrinker standing in my kitchen, holding my water bottle and the keys to my car.

And as long as I'm being honest, I tried to generate the same image starring the BandGirl, but all I could see was the BandGirl next to me on my couch, doubled-over in a fit of laughter. While it was an amusing image, it wasn't a very useful motivational tool...

When I arrived at Boot Camp, I was paired for Partner Night with the Cheerleader (a self-proclaimed small-town, Midwestern girl, with a cute little body, perpetual smile and a long blond ponytail to complete the mental picture).

Working with the Cheerleader, a fellow 12-week Boot Camper, proved to be exactly the dose of enthusiasm and spunk that I needed to recharge my spirit and make it through the night.

It started with a dare from me: "We've been here longest. We should be able to outlast all these newbies in the squat-til-you-drop challenge, Cheerleader!"

And we did.

Then we were directed to run/walk/jog a lap around the park.

And that's when she dared me: "Hey Blogger, there's no SuperCuz to protect you now, so you're running with ME tonight, and you're going to run past the farthest point you've ever run on this track."

And I did!

The Cheerleader and I blasted our way through Partner Push-ups, TWO SETS of military-style sit-ups, countless other endurance activities and even an extra lap around the park. All in all, it was an exceptionally tough workout. (Either that, or the break between our 2nd and 3rd session has been harder on us than we care to admit.)

So, at the end of the evening, the Boot Camp Guru announced that we are going to have a special guest Monday night. And in honor of that special guest, she announced that the workout will be "especially tough".

I dread the repercussions of this workout. Not just from my fellow Boot Campers, but from the guest of honor as well.

You see, the "special guest" is my friend Lois Lane, who has not only accepted my invitation to get a first-hand glimpse of Boot Camp, she's also agreed to write an article about it for the newspaper that claims her soul for 40 hours a week.

So, brace yourself Boot Campers...

I'm not sure what kind of ride we're in for on Monday night, but I'm afraid the pain we experience will all be traced back to me.

THAT'S RIGHT. CLAP NOW.

BECAUSE TOMORROW YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO LIFT YOUR ARMS.


SuperCuz and I began our 3rd month of Boot Camp last night. Can you believe that?

She and I have survived 25 days of Boot Camp!

Not only THAT, but we have lived to tell about it!

And, let me tell you this... Last night was pure Hell. It was Buns-Of-Steel meets The Wall-times-two in a B-A-D way.

Sadly, it was also the newest Boot Campers' introduction to Fitness Boot Camp.

Yup. You heard me.

These poor souls didn't even get to "ease" into the whole physical challenge element of it all. The newest Boot Campers jumped right in to scorching hot AZ summer-evening temperatures with a sticky dash of August humidity mixed with muscle fatigue, dehydration, and a fear of the unknown.

And let me tell you, Ladies... after two months of Fitness Boot Camp, SuperCuz and I "know" and we're still afraid.

So, after the "No Butts About It" workout Monday night, I'm honestly not sure how many of the new Boot Campers will come back...

Although, I certainly hope we have more people finish THIS class than the LAST one!

There was a break of one week between the 2nd and 3rd session. Just seven little, insignificant days off.

And now, one killer butt-workout routine later, I've been tapping the Motrin bottle today for a week's worth of milligrams in one day's time.

My backside is still the Jell-o-like substance it was last night. Only now it hurts more when it jiggles.

Or when I change position from "sit" to "stand".

And walking in heels wasn't pleasant today either.

At the end of the lower body work out last night, the Boot Camp Guru informed us to "be prepared for Tuesday". She said she had something exceptionally "fun" in mind for our arms.

So, that's why I'm blogging now...

Because I learned today that after one week's vacation from the "let's start with 40 push-ups" crap, my upper body is in for a world-of-hurt tonight.

My experienced guess is that I won't be able to lift my arms to the keyboard by 9PM.